The Weekly Wrap-Up

| April 12, 2013

Words by Mija Kovacic

NK is still super pissed, fake festivals, and two other things.

North Korea’s Mind Games

Despite becoming a worldwide joke, North Korea’s threats are seemingly being taken more serious by the US.

A Chinese ‘expert’ (apparently what he’s an expert in isn’t important) has revealed there is an 80 per cent chance of missiles being fired.

The communist state has been found to be moving missile launchers between hiding spots.

President Obama stated that he will take ‘all necessary steps’ to protect his people.

South Korea just don’t really care about anything at the moment because Psy is releasing a follow up single to ‘Gangham Style’.

The Smokescreen Dud

The ambiguously promoted Smokescreen Festival is revealed to have been a marketing ploy for an anti-smoking agency.

The festival was labeled as the most ‘dangerous’ festival out, and the line-up was said to be a ‘killer’.

Given what the promotion is actually about, I guess they’re not far off.

Despite the company boasting of their success, the ‘festival’s’ Facebook page only has 244 likes, and their Youtube videos only hit the mid-hundreds.

Nice try, guys.

Got Alien?

Conspiracy theorists have called out the White House for hiring aliens in the Presidential security team.

A recent video of a bald secret service agency swaying during a President’s speech has been revealed, and is naturally assuming to be an intergalactic creature.

When asked, National Security Council chief spokeswoman, Caitlin Hayden said, “I can’t confirm the claims made in this video, but any alleged program to guard the president with aliens or robots would likely have to be scaled back or eliminated in the sequester”.

“I’d refer you to the Secret Service or Area 51 for more details.”

Srsly tho, maybe that’s just his face?


Death by Beaver

Not even the sexy kind.

A man from Belarus has died overnight due to blood loss, after an encounter with a beaver.

The 60-year-old fisherman ran into the creature during a standard fishing trip.

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Category: FEATURED, Serious Section, Uncategorized

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