The Weekly Wrap-Up

| March 22, 2014




Words by Ryan Grice

WHY you should employ a Dutch man to bang your wife, Starbucks wants to get you drunk, Obama gets amongst the ferns, how not to raise children & the chicken from hell.

44 year-old Ed Houben first donated sperm to a local fertility clinic in the Netherlands in 2002, which gave him the idea that it might be something he’d like to do full-time, in a slightly more involved way. Houben now runs a website that helps him meet with couples, straight and lesbian, to whom he offers his services free of charge. Describing his process, Houben said, “A married couple came over here for one week after many years of visiting clinics in the USA and the UK. They had tried everything, then they read about me, wrote me and we had a very nice contact. Half a year later they managed to come, stayed for 8 days, she and I slept together four times. After ten years of trying they had their first pregnancy. Last year they came a second time for their second child and it worked almost immediately.” Houben has fathered 98 children in the past 12 years.



International coffee franchise Starbucks have this week announced their plan to add evenings of alcohol service to a small number of their 11,000 US stores. The strategy comes as part of the company’s attempt to attract sales consistently, after the morning rush. The venture is dubbed Starbucks Evenings and has actually been functioning in around 26 stores for some time now, and will likely occur in an additional 40 by the end of 2014.

So this little piece of information serves no purpose other than to highlight the level of quality human that Barack Obama represents; the President of the United States appeared recently on Zach Galifianakis’ parody Q&A show, Between Two Ferns. He perform admirably, taking the piss out of Galifianakis royally, and when questioned about his choice to comically rip into the comedian,  he made it feel appropriate, as though it was the only right thing to do. Mister President, I salute you.

Two Indian parents aged 33 and 27 are currently in custody after an inspection of their home revealed the shocking neglect of their three sons aged two, five, and six, who it seems, have never left their apartment. The home had no furniture, with the exception of a few mattresses on the floor. The children were malnourished and had obvious speech and developmental problems. If the parents are charged they face up to seven years in jail.



Another fossil discovery, this time by American scientists, has lead to the announcement of another new dinosaur species. The Anzu Wyliei is a peculiar looking bird-like creature with a long reptilian tail and bony crest atop a head apparently bearing an “enormous” beak. Anzu has been dubbed “The Chicken From Hell”. Several digs throughout North and South Dakota have allowed the scientists to attain approximately 80 per cent of a complete skeleton they say is “…really bizarre, even by dinosaur standards.”


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