Words By Samara Nilsson
OKAY, lets be straight up honest, this article should be titled ‘Seminyak’s Best Breakfasts’ because all the places I feature are located there. Soz, ‘Bali’s Best Breakfast’ just had a better ring to it, what can I say, I am a sucker for alliteration.
Moving forward, every time I travel breakfast has been included in the accommodation price, this time though, we decided to book a villa, which for several reasons was probably the best decision I have made since deciding bras were for heathens and freeing the nipple on the daily. One of those reasons being it lacked the standard seedy breakfast buffet, seriously, buffet breakfasts are obsolete these days, sorry, we are not on a P & O cruise with the upper-class bogans, unless your breakfast has a smoothie bar and a raw food bakery, folks these days don’t give a shit. In any event, with that dire Aussie sense to “get your money’s worth” gone, we were forced to get off our asses in the morning and experience breakfast around town.
Straight up I need to say that the Balinese know their food and coffee. Everywhere we went to had pretty good standards of both. Actually that is a lie, the Starbucks coffee there tasted like Satan’s anus – hot and bitter, and to make matters worse, its fucking expensive, Bali Starbucks is the devil. Starbucks aside, foods are cheap, after paying for foods and coffee we barely scraped the $15 mark. After crawling around Bali for most of December, I have managed to throw together this list of breakfast haunts that you must try out whilst in town.
Also, justifying my need to eat all the foods by writing an article about it has to be one of my most genius ideas to date.
What can I say, big dog’s gotta eat.
1. Sisterfields. Best Breakfast in Bali. Okay, I am not going to lie, the first time I went to this place I was pretty fucking hungover from a heavy session at Ally Cats the night before – which resulted in some bloke’s name written on my arm and a nasty hangover. So I was struggling with life that morning, and a green juice sure as shit was not going to bring me back to being, I ended up back at our villa cursing the heavens and watching the Victoria Secret fashion show on Youtube for four hours.
This time aside, I returned to Sisterfields a bunch of times, the food and décor is amazing. Their smashed avo, with feta, lemon and lime juice, semidried tomatoes on delicious grainy toast is something else, we added poached eggs and were in flavour country. Also their cold pressed juices are next level, seriously, if you go to Bali you need to check this place out!
Although I might add traveler’s word of wisdom: this place gets busy! Especially around the 10:00am mark, we ever waited all that long, but if you come around then be prepared that you may risk getting stuck in a line with steroid taking types, that were relaxing on the gear and rocking turtle shell bellies.
2. Grocer and Grind. Best atmosphere. This is a place that makes you want to order a second coffee, just because you are enjoying the vibe. Also, it is right across from Sisterfields, so if Sisterfields is looking a bit like an Apple Store on iPhone release day, just head over to Grocer and Grind.
3. Revolver Café . Best Coffee. Okay, all the places I feature in this article have really good coffee, but Revolver does great coffee. This place is a little sneaky, it is really easy to miss the little sign which leads to a hidden nook, it is kind of like Bali Diagon Alley, but with a really sweet mural. Décor wise, the place reminded me a lot of the cafes in West End, kind of a shabby chic hoarder’s delight. Again, food was divine, but it was their coffee that really resonated something with me. I guess, I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.
Although my coffee looked a bit like a penis, mind you I see shlongs everywhere, but let me know what you think, because all I could see were cock and balls whist enjoying the best latte I had drank in years.
4. Fat Turtle. This one is a newbie on the block that does decadent breakfasts. They do red velvet pancakes with cream cheese mousse, chocolate soil and honeycomb, caramalised banana French toast and pulled pork eggs benedict. Located just across the road from Potato Head, so my advice is to rock in to Fat Turtle, gab some eats, then head over to Potato Head and grab a day bed and bask in the sun feeling like a wildebeest near all the European gazelles. Another rad thing about Fat Turtle is that they only do breakfasts – all day, only breakfast, so they do about 8 bad ass menu items, and they do them bloody well. Lastly, the most expensive dish on the menu is $5.50. BOOM
5. Petitengent. This place felt like breakfast at the Hamptons, not that – being the derelict Australian I am – I have ever been, but what I assume it would be like from watching Gossip Girl. We came to this place solely because we were stalking foods on the Instagram and a picture of a granola parfait that had layers of fresh coconut, strawberries, mango and pineapple come up that looked erectionable (is that even a word? I don’t give a damn, it should be a word), anyways it was exactly that. Actually as a side note, does anybody else find themselves stalking food more than they do people these, because I sure as hell do.
Their juices come in little beakers and you pour them yourself, which is totally cute if you are an amateur food blogger (aka a wanker who takes photographs of your eats). Anyways, clearly I am going to recommend,the granola because it was a party in my mouth, they also do a really fresh green breakfast salad that throws together poached eggs, avocado, watercress, goats cheese, white quinoa, roasted pumpkin and a bunch of other yummies in a bowl that was really good.
Lastly, I need to give special mention to a few places, not breakfast foods, but they definitely need props. Potato head’s chicken club sandwich, holy hell, this sanga could turn a jelly fish hard.
What also needs a mention is Lello Lello Gelato – holy shit. They have a flavour there called ‘Snoop Dogg’ that has brownie and caramel in it, it makes my nipples stand erect just thinking about it in a waffle cone.. damnnn. Also their salted caramel is the best one I have ever tried, the salty to sweet ratio is on point.
So next time you are in Bali, skip your shitty hotel buffets and check these places out. You can stalk their instagrams and get hangry at @thefatturtle, @sisterfields, @grocerandgrind and @revolverexpresso.